it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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