Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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