I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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