Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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