I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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