he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You are a genius and a whore.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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