Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
