in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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