i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
