Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
