I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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