I faked an abortion last night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
