is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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