I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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