I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
