.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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