so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just want nice things and good sex
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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