a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
