Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
