Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
