I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
