At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
