i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
