She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My ass is underappreciated
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
