guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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