it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize