So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
