My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
