PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
how does that bad decision feel?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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