My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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