You work out of a Hotel?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
