Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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