grandma shit on top of the toilet
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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