There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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