a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
