Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
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I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
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Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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