Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
