What a fucking waste of an outfit
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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