I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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