Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You are the jesus of drinking
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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