You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
