i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
