Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
