How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
