I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sorry my hands just texted you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
