That's intense
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
