I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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