dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
