i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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