Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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