Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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