Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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