How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
