This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
