i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
