i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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