If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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