After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN