I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS