you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
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waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sex on roller skates
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
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You can't just leave with hair like that
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla