It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Be still, my beating vagina.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa