So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
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I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
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That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.