Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?