If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
