i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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