she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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