Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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