Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
nutella sex= disaster
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
