I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize