literally had 100 drinks last night.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
