Will you blow on my dice?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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