His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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