i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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