Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
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in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
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me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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