So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
